“Flashbacks”

****Ps. Before I read this poem know it was my past and things that happened didn’t last I am okay now

I’m just sharing my story of my fight against mental illness so please don’t be alarmed I am safe that spells SAFE okay now that I made that clear let’s ready the poem it goes like this:****

I close my eyes and want to dream the good things tonight 

I thought everything would be alright 

I wake up or open my eyes terrified

But I got the amazing people at IHL as a supporter alongside 

I close my eyes and pray 

I hope for a better day 

I revisit the last time I was in the hospital for a while

I remember being there on constant care counting the tiles 

I remember being in emerg 

I remember being so scared 

I remember at times not being able to stay safe 

To help me they put me in restraints

I remember I couldn’t be alone

I remember I wasn’t even aloud on the phone 

I remember not being able to take the pain anymore 

But when I cut it I wanted more 

It hurt

It hurt 

But to me it was just another day 

That I could no longer stay 

I would lock myself in the bathroom where no nurses could get in 

That’s when they called a code white and kicked the door in 

Then I was put on constant care all over again

Then there was me eating my food and throwing it up 

Seeing how much I could fill up a cup 

A eating disorder is not something you want 

But until you get past it in you it will taunt 

But I got a dietician and have been eating normal for a year and 3 months now 

And can I ever say I am proud 

Keeping my food down 

She says Because of it I should wear a crown 

I was scared 

And embarrassed 

But The nurses were so nice 

They all helped and gave me advice 

I took that advice and went home 

It’s been a year and 3 months that I have been home and I am aloud to stay alone 

Don’t be alarmed by my poem above it’s the past and hopefully that visit was the last 

Reach out is all I can say 

I promise you will be okay. 

It’s okay not to be okay 

Take it day by day

Written by: Alisha Larsen

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